


The Missing Piece

by Gray_08



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Olympics, Realization, Retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 04:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16055651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gray_08/pseuds/Gray_08
Summary: Europeans 2019 marked Javier's final competition before his official retirement. Despite all he had achieved, something was still missing in his life.





	The Missing Piece

Europeans 2019

The entire hall was engulfed with silence. Everyone, competitors and audience alike, had their eyes on a single figure in the middle of the rink. Javier Fernandez stood gloriously, still in his final pose in what would be his last competition. It felt different from all the competitions and events he had ever been before. He felt happy, but not the happy feeling he had in Pyeonchang, and he also felt a tingle of sadness, which was entirely different from what he felt in Sochi.

Suddenly, the hall erupted, claps and shoutings could be heard all around him. Almost all of the people there stood from their seats, clapping furiously for the Olympic medalist and two-time world champion who had become one of figure skating's most influental athletes. 

Bowing deep, Javier tried his best to prevent the tears from leaving his eyes. He did not want his last match to be a sad one. He wanted to make sure that the last impression he left for his fans and everyone he loved was a positive one. When he lifted his body, Javier saw people still standing, giving the skater the appreciation he really deserved. He was not just a skater. Javier Fernandez was a legend, the man who brought Spain its first figure skating medal, the man who left his country as a boy to train in a foreign environment just for the sake of skating.

Waving around for the crowd, Javier was studying the faces of the people who were present. He knew some of the fans' faces. Some of them followed him since he was young, giving him support and were there for him around the world for his championships. Brian and Tracy were of course there. Brian was fanning his face, trying to look cool and gave him a thumb up. Javier chuckled, knowing that his coach was going to cry as soon as Javier reached him. Unlike Brian, Tracy was not embarassed to cry openly. She kept blowing her nose with the tissue that was already crumpled from all those blowings. 

Slowly, while savoring the moment, Javier skated lightly towards the end of the rink where Brian and Tracy pulled him immediately before even giving him his skate guard. Unable to contain his emotion anymore, Javier let his tears fall, resting his head on Brian's shoulder amidst the emotional group hug which was witnessed by an entire arena and who knew how many cameras. 

"Great job, Javi. You've worked hard." Brian said, pulling Javier even tighter. He then released Javier and laughed, "I swore to myself not to cry. But look what a mess I am now."

"Let's go. We can't delay the event." Tracy smiled, still clutching the tissue that was full of her tears and led the other two men to the Kiss and Cry area. 

'And the free program score for Javier Fernandez from Spain, 212.37. For a total score of 315.69, first place.' 

"There it is. Seven gold medals. Lucky seven for you." Brian chuckled. "Are you sure you're not going to go for the eighth? Eight is also a very lucky number."

"Nah. I'm good. That's it for me." Javier replied. He had considered about continuing his reign. Afterall, he still got the skill and his performances were still as good as before. But he knew that if he did not stop right there, he would never be able to stop. Even when his body would be broken and his legs could not keep up anymore. 

"I'm going to miss this. You're like a son for me, you and Yuzuru both. I can't believe you're going to retire for real. It felt like yesterday when you came to me with that hair." Brian put his arms around his student as the three of them left the Kiss and Cry.

"I know. You're like a grandpa now, Brian." Javier dodged when Brian tried to punch him in the arm. "Speaking about hair, how is Yuzu? Is he still the main reason for your hair loss?"

"Yes. Of course. That kid has become even crazier. Without you there, it felt like Yuzu became even more intense. He spent all those times crashing on the ice trying to land quad axel."

"I'm sure he's going to land it. When Yuzu is determined on something, he will get it." 

"I know. I just hope that he's going to stop hurting himself before I go completely bald. Oh and Javi, come and see me after the medal ceremony, okay? We need to have a final hangout with the cricket club." Brian said, as he and Javier started to walk to different directions. 

"Yeah sure. You can have me all night. See you." Javier waved as he walked to his seat, in the middle of Mikhail Kolyada and Dmitri Aliev, who congratulated him eagerly while shooking his hand.

The cricket club. It was going to be the last night for him to be a part of the club he had called a family. It felt weird knowing that he would not see Brian and Tracy on a daily basis again. Actually, he only spent a short period on the club this season as he only competed in Japan Open and Europeans. But after he really retired, he felt a sense of finality that made his chest tight.

Javier was looking forward to the last hangout as a part of the cricket family. Brian, Tracy, and some of Brian's skaters would most likely be there. Evgenia Medvedeva would definitely come as she also competed in the Europeans. Javier never really got to know her since he was already semi-retired when she joined Brian, but they were quite friendly during some of the ice shows and competitions. Maybe America's Jason Brown would be there as well even if he did not compete in the event, he and Evgenia were really tight, from what Brian told him. Javier was actually hoping for a certain member of the club to be there as well, but it was quite impossible since the person he was hoping to come obviously was not from Europe. 

When Javier received the gold medal and felt it pressing against his chest, he looked at the crowd one last time. He felt no regret for his decision. He had achieved so many things, experienced so many good memories, and met countless number of good people. In the end, Javier Fernandez had left his mark.

-

Walking to the waiting room, Javier immediately spotted Brian's team. As expected, Evgenia Medvedeva was there speaking enthusiastically with Jason Brown. Brian who noticed the arival of the European champion signalled him to come closer. He saw Tracy talking with someone a few metres behind Brian, but he did not know who it was since his view was blocked with a vending machine. Javier strutted closer and the mysterious figure slowly became clearer. He was not sure if he was hallucinating but the figure's shadow looked awfully familiar. 

"Javier. Congratulations." Jason Brown stopped talking to Evgenia when he noticed Javier and extended his hand. Javier smiled and accepted the gesture, murmuring 'you're welcome', trying to approach Tracy who was still deep in conversation.

"Congratulations Javi." Evgenia also did the same.

"You too. You performed very well." Javier replied with a smile, even when his attention was still on the two people behind her. 

Javier plainly ignored Brian's attempt to chat and walked straightly to Tracy. Finally, he could see the person Tracy was talking to clearly. And as what he had thought, the double Olympic champion greeted him with a warm smile. 

"Yuzu?" Javier was shocked. He never expected Yuzuru to come. The younger was busy with his own competitions and Four Cotinents would be held in three days.

"Good, just focus on Yuzu and ignore me." Brian let out a huff and pretended to sulk.

"Just leave them alone Brian." Tracy shushed his coaching partner and pushed him along with Evgenia and Jason to a room nearby. 

"What are you doing here?" Javier asked.

"Supporting friends, of course." Yuzuru answered as if the reason he was present should be clear enough. "And to look at competition. Kolyada is now very good."

"Come on. You're going to do Four Continents in a few days. It's not like you to skip an opportunity to train just for watching." Javier knew how intense his friend could be. When it was competition season, Yuzuru could disappear from the world and put all of his energy into skating.

"Jason also do Four Continents and he here for Zhenya." Yuzu grumbled.

"Yeah, but you two are different. Jason is more relaxed type. And he really likes Zhenya. It's no wonder he skipped his training to support her." 

"And I really like Javi. So it's the same." Yuzuru whispered quietly, turning his head from Javier. Javier managed to catch every word perfectly. He felt a sudden rush in his blood. Hearing that he had made such an impact in his training mate made him warm and fuzzy.

"You do?" Javier asked, still could not believe what he heard.

"I always do. You don't know that? Javi can be so stupid sometimes."

"Yeah, I know that you like me. But I did not know I was that important, more important than training for your FIRST Four Continents gold medal." Javier teased the younger who never had any luck in Four Continents as he only got silver the past years.

"I will get the gold. But this is Javi's last match. I don't want any regret." Yuzuru looked at Javier's eyes tenderly, and Javier could see that the younger's eyes were moist.

"I'm very happy that you're here Yuzu. I was actually thinking about visiting Toronto after Four Continents just to say goodbye to you."

"Will you still visit?" Yuzuru looked at Javier with his puppy eyes. It was not fair. No one would be able to say no to that kid.

"Do you want me to? You have many new friends there now. There are Zhenya and Jason. And you looked very happy when the other Javi came." Javier had to admit that he felt a little bit jealous when Raya posted that selfie he took with Yuzuru.

"Don't tell the rest but Javi is special. I like Javi the most." Yuzuru giggled.

"Which Javi?" 

"Javi with beautiful quad sal." 

"I knew it. You only like me because of my quad sal." Javier pretended to look disappointed. Yuzuru laughed and together they walked to the room Brian and the others were waiting.

"Finally you're finished with all of those catching up. Now we need to go. I already booked a restaurant." Brian stood up from the chair he was sitting on and gave a signal for them to follow him.

-

"Cheers!" 

The restaurant Brian booked was quite fancy. It was not like the man to waste money on fancy restaurants, so Javier felt touched with his action. It felt comfortable to have a small gathering like this. All of them knew each other so there was no fake polite talks like what usually happened during large gatherings. 

"I'm tearing up that you're taking us to such an expensicve restaurant, Brian. Are you really Brian?" Javier joked at his coach.

"Don't thank me. It was Tracy who choose the restaurant." Brian acted cool and pointed at Tracy. 

"He's lying. It was all Brian." Tracy whispered to Javier, who chuckled.

"So Javier, what are you going to do after this? Beside ice shows." Brian asked.

"I'm not sure. I just want to spend time with my family first, enjoying Spain, travelling." Javier did not really have any plan post-retirement. All of his life had always been about skating and he was not sure about what's next.

"Yeah, take it slow. Maybe after a few years you're going to be interested in coaching?"

"Maybe. Will you teach me then?" Javier asked. Brian was no doubt one of the best coaches in figure skating. His success with Yuna and Yuzuru had made him a legend.

"Sure sure. Just call me beforehand. I'll happily give Yuzuru to you so that my hair can stay in my scalp." Brian immediately nodded. 

"Hey! I'm a good student." Yuzuru pouted at Brian. 

"Do you know why did I let him come here when he's supposed to be training for Four Continents?" Brian smirked, glancing at his Japanese student.

"I thought you wanted to have a family gathering or something."

"The original plan was for me to go with you and Zhenya while Tracy to stay in Toronto to train the others. But then, Mr. Hanyu here threatened me to let him tag along." 

"I did not threatened you. Brian is the one who wants me to come." Yuzuru accused Brian. Tracy, Evgenia, and Jason who knew the full story muffled their laugh. It was a huge moment in TCC when Yuzuru and Brian butted heads about this matter. Everyone was literally watching them arguing beside the rink in the middle of a busy training day.

"Mind to tell him the full story of why I let you come?" 

"Yes. I told Brian I want to see Europeans. But I'm okay with staying behind and train too. Brian can choose. Then, Brian ask me to come." Yuzuru explained swiftly.

"That sounds about right? Why are you all laughing?" Javier thought that what Yuzuru said was normal enough, but judging from Tracy's expression, there must be something else.

"To be clear, Yuzuru gave me a choice between letting him come, free of injury, or making him stay to train, with extra ice time, and permission to attempt quad axel whenever he wants plus other crazy combinations, including 4S-3Lz-3A. I suppose it is better for him to skip his training rather than missing the competition because of a broken neck or something." Brian sighed. Javier pat the older man's back, knowing how hard it must be to deal with Yuzuru when he's being hard headed.

"Yep. I just wanted to train hard, that's all." Yuzuru shrugged. 

"He really give me no choice. And knowing my weakness, this American over here did the same thing to me." Brian looked at Jason murderously and the latter winked back at Brian.

Their conversation continued to be more normal after that. Brian asked him about his family and his girlfriend, Javier asked back about the club. Just light conversations. Yuzuru sat quietly, fiddling with his phone, while replying to Brian once in a while.

"Are you still with that girl in Spain? Marina, right?" Brian looked at Javier curiously. Javier had always been open about his relationships so everyone knew about his status.

"Yeah. It's going great." Javier replied. 

"Thinking about marriage soon?" 

"Nah. I'm not ready for that. She's eager about it though, hinting at me about babies and houses. But I still have things to do before settling down." Marina had wanted them to get married quickly. They were not young anymore and after Javier's retirement, it was logical for them to get maried. However, Javier felt that something was still missing. He was unsure that getting married to Marina would be the missing piece he was looking for.

"Relationships are tough. Are you sure she's the one?" Brian asked carefully. 

"I hope so. I'm not young anymore and starting over with someone else will take too much time." 

"Better be late than sorry. I like Marina, but if you're unsure, don't tie yourself down just because you want things to come fast. Sometimes, the best things take time." Brian smiled gently at his student. Beside him, Yuzuru listened intently, stealing glances at Javier. 

"I know. Thanks anyway." Javier smiled, awkward from hearing relationship advice from Brian who usually only gave him advice about his jumps. "Are you guys going to the gala tomorrow?"

"Tracy will stay here with you and Zhenya. I need to take these two back for training and competition."

"You're leaving tomorrow?" Javier asked Yuzuru, feeling disappointed that the younger would no longer be there the next day.

Yuzuru nodded, staring at Javier.

"Shall we return to the hotel? I booked a hotel since the committee would not have any room for extra guests I had to bring." 

"Sure. So you're all staying at the hotel?" Javier asked.

"Yeah. I can't let Yuzu and Jason being on their own. It's too dangerous. You can stay too if you want, Javi. We have three rooms. You can stay at mine." Brian offered.

"Yeah, I'd like that." Javier quickly accepted.

"Wait." Jason Brown suddenly said, "Can I stay with you coach? I have something to discuss with you about my free. Do you mind staying with Yuzu?"

"No problem." Javier replied instantly. At that time, Javier missed the mischiveous glint in Jason's eyes and Evgenia's muffled laugh. 

-

Inside their shared bedroom, Javier had just came out of the shower when he saw Yuzuru playing his Nintendo Switch with earphones plugged in his right ear and the other wire dangling around his neck. He looked at the younger endearingly, knowing that this would be the last time he had the chance to admire. They had shared room quite often during competitons, and Javier knew each of Yuzuru's habit by heart. From hanging his jacket on the chair, putting his shoes neatly near the door, and of course his beloved Pooh san was there on the bedside table.

"What are you smiling at?" Yuzuru's voice made Javier jumped a little and woke him up from his mini daydream.

"Nothing. Just that this is maybe our last time sharing room like this." Javier smiled sadly. Yuzuru pulled off his earphone and stood in front of Javier.

"What do you feel? Being retired." Yuzuru's face was close to him and Javier could see the younger's hesitation.

"A little sad. Mostly relieved. Like a huge burden is lifted off me." Javier answered truthfully. Competing was fun. The thrill, the adrenaline rushing through him, and the immense joy when he felt the medal around his neck. But he also felt a huge pressure. Everyone's expectation on him, fear of messing up and disappointing his supporters. 

"Good. I want Javi to be happy." Yuzuru squeezed Javier's hand and returned to his bed, picking up his phone again.

"Yuzu," Javier called at the younger as he sat down on his own bed silently. Yuzuru turned his head to him and nodded at him to continue. "Do you ever feel like there's something wrong?"

"Are you sick? Do you want me to ask Brian for medicine?" Yuzuru quickly jumped beside Javier and put his palm on Javier's forehead to check the latter's temperature.

"I did not mean that." Javier took Yuzuru's hand on his forehead and held it firmly with his two hands. "Not wrong physically, just that something is not quite right. I can't put it in words."

"You mean like inside here?" Yuzuru put his hand that was still entertwined with Javier's on the older's chest.

"Yes, there. I feel that I should be happy now, with my accomplishments, family, girlfriend. But instead I feel empty."

"Skating has always been the biggest thing in Javi's mind. But now, it's gone. So maybe the space that was skating is empty now." Yuzuru answered calmly, very different from his usual childish self. "You don't need to worry. After some time, something more important than skating will come and fill the hole with better and more beautiful things."

Hearing what Yuzuru said actually gave sudden clarity for Javier. After he let go of skating, he felt a huge gap inside him. Maybe he was still not that ready of letting that part of him go. Maybe Yuzuru was right and all he needed was more time. But he let skating go willingly. It should not made him felt that emptiness he was feeling then. Realizing that his hand was still on Javier's chest, Yuzuru quickly pulled it and apologized repeatedly, returning to his bed. 

Still deep in his own thoughts, Javier felt coldness on the spot where Yuzuru's hand was touching him. How he wanted Yuzuru to touch him again. He was longing for the younger's comforting hug. They always managed to make each other feel better with a simple hug. When one of them lost, the other would give a hug and everything became okay. Sharing the podium with Yuzuru had always been the best thing for him.

And finally, Javier realized the thing he had been missing. He let go of skating willingly but he was not willing to let go of something else that came with skating. That was the reason he had been feeling empty all this time. The answer was right in front of him. Literally.

Yuzuru Hanyu. His rinkmate, friend, rival. They had always been together that Javier never really thought what the other meant for him. Their relationship had always revolved around skating. They met in skating competition, and they trained together for skating. Letting go of skating meant that Javier also had to let go of Yuzuru. They would not be seeing each other again, except for a few weeks each year for ice shows. And he was not ready to let Yuzuru go. He's not sure he would ever be ready to do that.

"Can I say something?" Javier said nervously. Being the honest person that he was, he needed to let the other know immediately.

"Mmhmm." Yuzuru hummed, "Just say."

"I found it." 

"Did you lose something?" Yuzuru asked, still oblivious.

"No. The answer to what I'm missing." Javier said seriously.

"Oh." Realizing that Javier was serious about what he was going to say, Yuzuru focused his attention fully to the older.

"You." Javier quickly said. Not allowing his coward self to prevent him from saying it.

"What?" Yuzuru's eyes widen and his mouth was wide agape.

"You." Javier repeated. "I can't let you go, Yuzu. Retirement means that I won't be able to see you and I don't want that."

Yuzuru did not reply. His face was still painted with shock and he looked like a meme that would go viral on 9gag. Trying to maintain his seriousness despite the younger's expression, Javier continued.

"I'm not sure what I feel about you. But it must be very important to me. You're very important to me. And I can't just move on with my life without at least telling you this." Yuzuru's expression was still unchanged. "Can you please close your mouth? I'm gonna burst out laughing soon and I don't want to ruin the moment."

"I'm sorry." Yuzuru apologized, "I'm very surprised. Javi never said anything."

"I'm also surprised. I just knew that about ten minutes ago."

"You're not joking right? This is not April yet." Yuzuru laughed awkwardly.

"Are you thinking that I'm going to joke around this matter? I just told you my feelings, Yuzu." Javier raised his voice.

"I'm sorry."

"You know what? Never mind. I never said anything. Good night." Javier regretted his rash decision. He would not be able to face the younger again after that. He was afraid that Yuzuru was going to avoid him altogether. Holding back his tears, Javier closed his eyes and turned his back towards Yuzuru, trying to escape to dreamland.

 

Not long after, Javier felt something warm on his back and a similar sensation around his waist. It could not be. Why would Yuzuru do that? Wasn't it enough for him to treat Javier's feelings like a joke? Javier wanted to tell the younger to back off when he felt something wet on his shoulder. Yuzuru was crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Yuzuru muttered repeatedly in the middle of his sobbing. His body was shaking against Javier's and his hands were clutching Javier firmly.

"Hey, hey. Stop crying." Javier turned his body to face the younger. He could see Yuzuru's red eyes and tears filled face. Javier did the only thing he thought. He hugged Yuzuru tightly and cradled him carefully. His hand caressing Yuzuru's hair fondly. "What is it? Why are you crying?"

"I... I did not know what to say. Javi was so sudden and I could not think. I afraid Javi was joking and break my heart, I did not want to believe. But then Javi got angry and it's my fault." Yuzuru sobbed harder. Javier felt like dick. He dropped the bomb on Yuzuru without any warning and got mad when the younger did not know how to react. Nice move, Fernandez.

"It's not your fault. I'm sorry, okay? I said that all suddenly and got angry at you. You did nothing wrong." Javier continued to soothe the younger. He released his embrace slightly so that there was enough space between them for him to see Yuzuru's face clearly. "We are still friends, and we can continue this talk whenever you're ready, okay?"

Yuzuru sat up and Javier quickly followed. The younger shook his head and said, "No. I want to say this now. After this I might not see Javi again."

Yuzuru took a deep breath and continued, "I have always liked Javi. I don't know if it is love because I never love someone before. I'm okay with only being friend as long as Javi is near me and Javi is happy. That is why I really want to come here. I need to be sure that Javi is happy because I will not be able to look after Javi again."

"Oh cariño, I never knew that." Javier was surprised that not only Yuzuru also felt the same way about him, but also that the younger was that caring about him.

"When Javi said before, I was really happy. But I don't want to be too happy because I will get very sad later when Javi go and live with girlfriend." 

"My relationships never felt right. Not even this one. She is a really amazing woman and everything a man can hope for, but maybe she is not meant for me. Maybe my heart has always belonged to someone all this time." Javier used his thumbs to wipe Yuzuru's tears, before taking Pooh san from the table to provide tissue for Yuzuru.

"It's not going to be easy with me. Japan people is not that open and so many press follow me. Javi likes to be open and I can't do that. Imagine what people will say if they know." Yuzuru blew his nose furiously, avoiding Javier's stare.

"You know, someone ever said this. I don't imagine. I do it." Javier took Yuzuru's hand.

"I said it. It's for quad axel." Yuzuru replied, scrunching his nose.

"Well, I think that person is very wise. And that saying matches very well with our situation. Don't you think?" Javier looked at the younger lovingly.

"Maybe. You ever watched Christopher Robin?"

"No. Not yet. Why?" Javier asked.

"There was something similar. Christopher worried too much about future and make his family sad. And then Pooh came and make everything better." Yuzuru took Pooh san from the bed and squished the yellow bear's chubby face.

"Wow. Pooh is a real hero, huh?" Javier laughed at Yuzuru's love for Pooh.

"Yes. So, what now?"

"Well we can enjoy our time here. And I will come to Toronto after Four Continent. We will decide what will happen, okay?" 

"Okay. I will bring gold medal to match your Europeans." 

"I'm looking forward to it." Javier smiled.

Slowly, Javier brought his face closer to Yuzuru, admiring every detail of the younger. On his beautiful face, tears streak was still visible up close, but it did not make him less beautiful. Yuzuru's plump lips which was slightly parted seemed inviting to Javier and he gladly accepted.

Their first kiss felt nothing like Javier had ever felt before. Instead of the fire he usually felt when he lip locked with his girlfriend and exes, he felt a sense of security and calmness. The kiss felt soothing and comforting at the same time. Despite the calm nature of the interaction, it certainly did not lack the passion. Javier could not determine what he felt anymore as all feelings were swirling around him at the same time.

When they finally stopped from the need of oxygen, Javier saw Yuzuru smiling warmly at him. And he knew. He finally found the one. 

-

"I zing you." Yuzuru suddenly said while they were cuddling on Javier's side of the bed.

"What?" 

"Zing."

"What the hell is zing?"

"It's a monster term for true love." Yuzuru said, and when Javier still looked lost, he sighed, "It's from Hotel Transylvania. Javi need to watch more cartoon with me."

"As long as I can hold you while watching I don't mind." Javier smiled, snuggling closer to the younger.

"And watch Christoper Robin too! Pooh is so cool in that movie." 

"Sure, sure. Whenever you want, cariño." Javier gave a slow peck on Yuzuru's lips and Yuzuru turned that to a full make out session.

No matter what would happen after, knowing and feeling Yuzuru in his embrace was enough for Javier. And at that time, Javier felt like a whole.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Please give your comments so that I know what you think about this fic ❤


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